Why does nobody make a hyperhatch version of retirees’ favourite, the Honda Jazz? Or why doesn’t BMW make an i3 you can drift?
Are these are the sorts of questions that keep you awake at night? Then you might get a kick out of these seriously awesome (and really rather hilarious) renders.
If you’re the sort who thinks that every car should feature a huge rear wing and a ridiculously powerful engine, take a look at our candidates for the world’s unlikeliest hot hatch variants.
Honda Jazz Type R
As anybody who’s ever been trying to get somewhere in a hurry can attest, there’s absolutely nothing worse than ending up stuck behind some elderly driver blocking traffic and pootling along at 25mph.
The solution? Take one of the cars most popular with those over the hill and fit it with one of Honda’s legendary VTEC engines, along with a big and boisterous aero kit to match.
With the Honda Jazz Type R, you’ll never again have to worry about getting stuck behind your grandma. Instead, all you whippersnappers will have to worry about is keeping up!
Ford Ka ST
Here at Car Keys we’re huge fans of fast Fords, from the new Focus RS to the Mustang and notable entries in its back catalogue like the iconic GT40 and the Cologne Capri RS3100.
It saddens us, then, that some of Ford’s cars have never quite hit the mark, namely its Ka city car which has had a chequered history with the critics since it first appeared in its original teapot form in 1996.
But small size, low weight and lots of power are three tastes that always go great together, so what if somebody were to slap a roided-up bodykit, turbo engine and the letters ‘ST’ on it? Now you’re speaking our language!
Volkswagen Up! GTi
One of the most iconic and most influential cars ever made, the original Mk1 Golf GTi made history by packing seat of your pants performance into a tiny and lightweight underpinning.
Sadly, fans of the original GTi will lament the fact that with each generation the Golf GTi has swollen not just in power output but also in size, detracting from the pocket rocket appeal of the original.
Our solution? Pack the same 217bhp turbocharged engine as the current Mk7 Golf GTi into Volkswagen’s current smallest and lightest offering, the Up! city car. You’re welcome, Mk1 fans.
BMW M i3
It’s widely expected that the next BMW M3 will feature a hybrid electric powertrain, such is the nature of car building these days as manufacturers look to boost performance and economy.
So, if an M car can become a hybrid, why can’t a hybrid become an M car? Meet the M i3, the hot-rodded performance variant of everybody’s favourite Teutonic battery-powered city car.
Given that it wears the hallowed M badge, you can expect all sorts of performance trickery along with its rowdy bodykit, including sports suspension and buckets more power for burnouts that even the hippies will love.
