The day has arrived, the time is nigh, and as your eyes strain to find the right house number at 5mph, you see curtains twitching and eyes peering down the driveway in your direction. Yes, you’ve arrived to pick up your date, and the apple of your eye (and their whole extended family) is staring at your car. So you’ve bought, leased, borrowed or rented the ultimate expression of yourself, right?
If not, there’s hopefully still time. First, we should cross some off the list, so you can see where I’m going with this… You might love your modified hot hatch (not too much, hopefully) but while stiffened springs might tighten the handling and a big bore exhaust is good for at least an extra 5bhp, a ride so fidgety it could lead to incontinence along with a trumpet exhaust will see many of the opposite sex running for the hills.
Not as common, but equally off-putting, is the tricked-out off-roader. Probably an old Landie or Japanese 4x4, with sawn off bumpers (it’s all about the approach angles), suspension intended for a military vehicle and ten years of baked-on mud holding the bodywork together. While you see this as ‘manly’, the ‘non-believers’ will just imagine standing in a sodden field every weekend dressed in camouflage and eating very fresh fish.
At the polar opposite step forward the big German saloon (some SUVs qualify too) and estate. You literally live life in the fast lane, and when you screech to a halt outside, said date will instantly remember all the times they’ve been cut up, tailgated and not let out of junctions by Company Car Man. And the kicker; big cars with more sharp angles than a high-speed train don’t scream ‘care and compassion’, if that’s what your potential love match is looking for.
A van or pick-up truck? I’m not even going to justify these with an explanation of why they are best avoided.
And….here’s the big one. Convertibles. Now, some people may love them (and want to tell you so at every opportunity), but for a first date, you’re taking a big risk. Drop the top (usually when the temperature is borderline to say the least) and say goodbye to all that time spent beautifying as perfectly coiffured hair is replaced with the frazzled, runny-eyed look of a couple of sailors on a frigate’s poop deck.
Audi R8 Coupe
So, in my humble opinion, the perfect car is… the Audi R8 Coupe. It’s fast, sleek and exotic, but it should also get you to your destination without any hiccups. Show some restraint though – no one likes being scared senseless by someone they hardly know. Luckily the R8 is on your side here, with a smooth automatic gearbox and surprisingly polished manners in its ‘Comfort’ mode. Of course, a quick burst of acceleration in a safe place will produce the motoring world’s equivalent of a symphony and add a dose of excitement, to show you do have a wild side, and you know how to tame it.
The R8 is a tech-fest too, so all mod cons are present and correct, including plenty of audio connections for you to fill the snug cabin with the songs which best symbolise your personality. Just make sure every song isn’t about loving someone forever, and ever, and ever…
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The runners up:
Range Rover
While it could be argued the Sport is a bit too flashy for a first date, the original Range Rover has maintained a sense of timeless elegance. Comfortable, relaxing and assured, the Rangey shows you’re in control of whatever may come your way.
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Tesla Model S
Good-looking, effortlessly fast and almost silent, so you can hear every nuance of a conversation. Not only that, but you’re saving the polar bears, which basically makes you a modern-day hero.
Read our full Tesla Model S review
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Jaguar F-PACE
OK, so it’s not quite here yet, but it will be very soon. And just think of the potential. It’s a comfortable SUV, with a stunning design and the handling of a sports saloon. If you don’t get a second date, you really need to change your chat up lines, because the F-PACE was not to blame.
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