The sound of Christmas songs spewing out of retailers’ speakers heralds the start of the holiday shopping season, and consumers are gearing up to give their wallets a good workout.
As if Christmas shopping itself wasn’t bad enough, the Black Friday sales can add extra levels of stress that have seen physical violence erupt even here in the UK, where shoppers spent a whopping £810 million on the one day alone.
If you’re to survive, you’ll need the right mind-set, your fair share of consumer savvy and you’ll also need the right car. Imagine the horror of returning to the car park, your trolley full of hard-won discounts to find that you can’t fit them all in your tiny hatchback.
Is space everything you’ll need, however? Let’s find out…
Range Rover Sport SVR
The most important part of any robbery is the getaway, but while Black Friday is an event squarely within the confines of the law, the average discounts of up to 68 per cent are so cheap it’s almost criminal.
If, therefore, a speedy getaway is what you’re looking for, then the Range Rover Sport SVR brings the perfect balance of toughness, spaciousness and sheer power. The second most powerful production SUV on earth, just behind the Bentley Bentayga, power clocks in at a huge 542bhp from its 5.0-litre supercharged V8.
In real-world terms, that’s enough ponies under the bonnet to take this ‘roided-up Chelsea tractor to 62mph in just 4.5 seconds, a time that would see many supercars start to sweat it.
Fast enough to make it around the infamous Nurburgring Nordschleife circuit in just eight minutes and 14 seconds, it’s got more than enough juice to get you home before your buyers’ remorse kicks in.
It’s fast, but it’s still a Range Rover, and as a result you get all the signature robustness and luxury that the marque’s known for. Add on a pretty handy 680-litre boot, and this is a car that’s as practical in the car park as it is ridiculous on the road.
Toyota Hilux
War is hell; that much we know. Trying to make it through the swathes of people during Black Friday? That’s not far off.
As a result, if you’re looking for the right method of transport to successfully navigate the conflict-torn frontlines of the shops this Black Friday, how about a car that’s literally had a war named after it?
The Toyota Hilux was the vehicle of choice for Chadian troops as they fought against the Libyans in the Chadian-Libyan conflict during the mid-80s, which became known as the Toyota War thanks to heavy use of the truck.
Driven over 93 miles across the Libyan border to raid military bases, incredibly, the Hilux was light enough that the Chadian troops found that they could ride right across minefields without triggering the mines.
Tough enough for an improvised army, tough enough for you. Rugged as you like, it also comes with a massive 2,315mm by 1,520mm deck for storing as many bargains as you can get your filthy mitts on.
Four-wheel drive and a 169bhp 3.0-litre diesel engine will give you enough grunt to get in and out quickly. Add a body construction that’s survived a trip to the North Pole and an active volcano courtesy of the Top Gear lads, and the Hilux could well be one of the best Black Friday bargain-mobiles.
Ford B-MAX
On the lookout for a bargain-hunting mobile that’s a bargain in itself? Why not give Ford’s B-MAX mini-MPV a whirl?
Sure, compared to the other cars in this list it’s a little less macho, but don’t let its dad-car looks fool you. For a start, you get more space inside than a conventional family hatchback, but its compact size and clever design means it’s easy to park in busy car parks.
Likewise, it comes with neat rear sliding doors with no pillar between them, so it’s easy to access in tight spaces and also makes loading awkwardly-shaped Christmas presents an absolute piece of cake.
No, there’s no seven-seat option for your kids, and yes, its 318-litre boot is only two litres more than a Ford Focus, but its 60:40 splitting rear seats and flat-folding front passenger seat means you can carry items up to nearly two and a half metres long if you need to.
Best of all, it won’t cost you the earth. Prices for the B-MAX start from just £13,095, which is pocket change compared to some of these other cars, and which gives you a lot more money to spend on goodies!
Mitsubishi L200
Sometimes it might seem like a better idea to call quits on the whole pursuit and simply ram your car through the front window of your local Tesco.
We’re not advising that you do it, but if you did decide to go the ram-raid route, then the Mitsubishi L200 would probably be the right vehicle to do it in.
Reverse at speed, smash your way through the shop wall and thanks to its large load bed, you’ve got a ready-made steel shopping cart just waiting to be filled up with flatscreens, Xboxes and smartphones.
The L200 is one of the most prominent names in the pick-up market, and for good reason too. Big, tough and ready for whatever the world can throw at it, it also features an impressive 1,805mm by 1,470mm cargo bed.
With plenty of room for carting large and bulky items, you can also specify it with a lockable cover, which keeps prying eyes and hands away from your loot.
Need even MORE space? The Mitsubishi can pull a lot more weight than your average passenger car, with maximum weight towing weight clocking in at just shy of 3,000kg – about twice as much as your average family hatchback.
The L200 has also built up a large fanbase thanks to its virtually indestructible nature, so what should be a simple Christmas smash-and-grab should be no problem.
Mercedes-Benz E-Class estate
Maybe the aggressive approach isn’t quite your style, and you’re the sort of person who would rather deal with a problem in a classy manner than beat it over the head with a blunt object.
If refinement is your game, the Mercedes E-Class Estate might be right up your street. Impressively sophisticated, it’s also as comfortable as luxury cars come and a solidly-built machine to boot.
It might be a little bigger and more unwieldy than some of its rivals, but with a wide range of engine choices, that includes a twin-turbo 5.5-litre V8 in E63 AMG guise, it can shred through tarmac with the best of them.
As well as having enough power to compete with many dedicated performance cars, it’s also got a boot that’s so large, if you need any more space you’re better off just renting a van. Capacity clocks in at 695 litres with the rear seats upright and a whopping 1,950 litres with them folded flat.
It’s huge. It’s gigantic. It’s just what you need if you’re shopping for tonnes of bargains on Black Friday. In fact, it’s almost double the size of what you’d get in your average Vauxhall Astra. If that’s not impressive, we don’t know what is.
