Taking a mock-up of a car on the drawing board to a fully-fledged, running model sitting on a dealership lot takes a lot of time, effort and scrunched-up paper balls thrown in bins.
Sometimes it can take years to get a vehicle from the prototype stage, with designers having to painstakingly labour over every minor detail. A car’s name is no exception, and manufacturers typically spend a considerable amount of time creating names that suit the vehicle.
A car’s name is supposed to sum up the purpose of the car in a few short syllables, to evoke respect for the brand and also to drum up consumer interest in a product. It’s funny, then, how some manufacturers can get their names so incredibly wrong.
Sometimes it’s a simple oversight or cultural mistake; what sounds right in one language mightn’t necessarily hold true for another. Other times, it just doesn’t sound right in any language.
Whatever the reasoning behind it is, here are some of the all-time worst car names ever to make it into production.
1. Honda That’s
The Honda That’s is a tiny kei car introduced to the Japanese domestic market in 2002, and holds a title that’s sure to send any grammar fiend into fits of pure rage.
Designed with a five-door “tall wagon” bodystyle, the That’s was as confusing to look at as its name is confusing to say. Presumably, one of Honda’s designers pointed at it in the factory, said “That’s going to be named…” and then immediately suffered a fatal heart attack.
The marketing people must have just assumed that with his dying breath he wished the car to simple be called “That’s”.
2. Studebaker Dictator
One of the earliest American car manufacturers, Studebaker started out as a wagon maker in 1852 before producing its first motor cars in 1897.
Thirty years or so later, the company then decided to release the unfortunately-named Studebaker Dictator. Apparently, the name was chosen because the car was believed to “dictate the standard” for coupes and sedans of the time.
It found few fans in European markets when Mussolini and Hitler came to power, however. As a result, Studebaker changed the named to the Director in some countries, but production was swiftly cancelled in 1937 as war loomed.
3. Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
When it comes to names, Isuzu generally used to be pretty good, particularly with their trucks. Models like the Trooper and Rodeo had strong names, but then along came the Mysterious Utility Wizard.
Ignoring the outright confusing Wizard part, what was ever so Mysterious about the Utility? It might have sounded really cool in Japanese, but in English it sounds more like something that would hang out with that annoying Microsoft Office paperclip.
4. Buick LaCrosse
You might be wondering what’s so wrong with the name “LaCrosse”. In truth, not really anything. In most parts of the world, the LaCrosse was a perfectly acceptable car with a name that looks a lot like the ball and stick game.
Not so much to French Canadians, who use the term “LaCrosse” as slang to refer to something that a gentleman might do when playing with his own ball and stick, so to speak. It got laughed at so much in French-speaking areas of Canada that General Motors had to change its name to the Allure. Sacre bleu!
5. Mitsubishi Minica Lettuce
One of the smallest and also longest-enduring models produced by Mitsubishi, the Minica was a kei car in the same vein as the Honda That’s, which was introduced all the way back in 1962.
Available as a couple, saloon or as a miniature estate, it wasn’t until the sixth generation that the Minica gained a new name, becoming known as the Minica Lettuce.
With two doors on the passenger side and only one on the driver’s side, the car’s design was as inexplicable as its name, and after four years Mitsubishi renamed it to the Minica Toppo. Whatever that means.
6. Mazda LaPuta
Perhaps there’s some sort of unspoken rule that Japanese kei cars must have a stupid name by default, but the Mazda LaPuta really takes the cake.
Mazda’s engineers actually derived the name from the tiny flying island called Laputa in the book Gulliver’s Travels, but try explaining that to anybody who speaks Spanish. To them, LaPuta means “the whore”. Oh dear.
7. Tata Motors Zica
In a classic case of the wrong name at exactly the wrong time, the Tata Motors Zica was originally named as a portmanteau of 'Zippy Car', thanks to its compact size.
However, rising worry thanks to the spread of the Zika virus throughout South America has prompted Tata to reconsider the car's name in order to dissociate it from the mosquito-borne virus.
It's hard not to feel sorry for Tata; after all, nobody's going to name a car after an infection that causes birth defects on purpose. At least we hope not, anyway...
