Hot hatch fans are currently living in a golden age: never before in history has there ever been such an amazing selection of sublime, powerful, yet practical and affordable cars available to buyers.
Cars like the Ford Focus RS, the Honda Civic Type R and the Volkswagen Golf R prove that the format is still as strong as it’s ever been, but with such successes it’s sometimes easy to forget that crap hot hatches have existed.
Here’s a definitive list of the six worst hot hatches of all time, ranked in order of rubbishness.
Proton Satria GTi
On paper, the Satria GTi should have been a home run. Take an ordinary Proton hatchback and give it to Lotus to tune up, and then sell it to hot hatch fans by the truck load. Unfortunately, that proved easier said than done.
The car’s engine was pretty good and Lotus also did an admirable job tuning its chassis setup, but customers just couldn’t see past the Proton badge and poor sales figures relegated it to a footnote in the annals of hot hatch history.
Mk3 Volkswagen Golf GTi
After a double-whammy of legendary hot hatches in the form of the Mk1 and Mk2 GTi, Volkswagen ended up really screwing the pooch when the time came to make a third-gen version.
Compared against its predecessors, the Mk3 was a bit too heavy and too underpowered, with the changes introduced fundamentally changing the car’s character from boisterous and fun to something that would appeal to a more family-oriented buyer.
Fiat Uno Turbo i.e.
One of many cars that tried to ape the magic of the Peugeot 205 GTi, the Fiat Uno Turbo i.e. simply lacked the guts to compete with France’s greatest hot hatch despite having a 1.4-litre turbocharged engine.
The Uno itself was actually a decent little hatchback in standard guise, but the Turbo version's underwhelming performance and soggy handling sorely let it down.
MG ZR
Converse to the Satria, the MG ZR is proof that high sales figures do not a good car make. Based on the rubbish Rover 25, the ZR wasn’t great to drive, wasn’t very quick and was as appetising to look at as cat food.
The reason it sold so well was that MG offered free insurance to anybody who bought one, meaning they were scooped up in record numbers by hoodie-clad delinquents. You’ll still see them on the road now, usually kitted out with all manner of aftermarket atrocities.
Ford Fiesta XR2i
It seems strange, so used are we to the Fiesta ST which currently sits at the top of the compact hot hatch pile, that Ford could make a naff Fiesta. But in 1989, that’s exactly what they did.
By all accounts, the Fiesta XR2i was a poor attempt at cloning the 205 GTi, but with a weak engine and duff chassis setup the car, and its RS Turbo offshoot, were both more miss than hit.
MG Metro Turbo
Three years before MG made the fire-breathing and notoriously twitchy Metro 6R4 for Group B rally, it made the Metro Turbo, a car that was more wet fart than hot hatch.
The car’s archaic four-speed gearbox was able to handle only 94bhp at maximum, and so the Metro Turbo limped 62mph in over 10 seconds, despite having a sizeable turbocharger struggling to breathe some semblance of life into it.
