Remember when Top Gear used to run that feature on its website where readers would send in reviews of their own cars broken down into six word essentials?
Concise, hilarious and occasionally pretty lewd to boot, the six word car reviews had a knack for saying what many of us were thinking but didn’t quite know how to express.
Unfortunately, the section’s now long gone from the website, but that didn’t stop a bunch of Redditors from r/cars having a go for themselves. How many do you agree with, and have you got any six word car reviews of your own to share?
Reliant Robin: “Apex turns by using the roof.”
If you’re a keen fan of Clarkson and co, you’ll know all about just how bad the Reliant Robin could be on a tight corner and Reddit user racingschoolguy picked up on its propensity to flip on a moment’s notice.
It seems Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc are making good use of the car’s comic potential as well, after the new Top Gear presenters were spotted driving from London to Blackpool in a pair of the iconic three-wheelers.
Jeep: “It’s a Jeep thing. You wouldn't understand.”
There’s something to be said for the sort of person who buys a Jeep Wrangler and spends their time crashing it through muddy bogs and through floodwater. The rest of us would call it madness, but according to user killbone “It’s a Jeep thing, brah”.
Other Jeep things may include but aren’t limited to poor fuel economy, frequent calls to the recovery services and everybody treating you like some sort of Neanderthal.
Bentley: “Out of my bloody way, peasant.”
You’ve spent all your hard-earned money (who are we kidding, more likely a small portion of your hedge fund) on a brand new Bentley and now you have to put up with some pleb in a Peugeot tootling down the slip road?
Courtesy of Redditor KderNacht, this six word review is the perfect tongue-in-cheek dissection of the average Bentley owner. What’s next, somebody in a Focus daring to steal your parking space at Waitrose?
Volvo 245: “Either a hipster or an octogenarian.”
This one comes from user voxnex, who theorises that anybody who still drives an old Volvo 245 is either an old person or a moustache-twiddling hipster.
Mind you, given the hardiness of those old Volvos by the time they’re finally taken off the road we’ll all be octogenarians…
Audi: “Fifty Shades of Grey metallic.”
For anybody who’s never read the Fifty Shades of Grey book series (that’s most blokes, then), Audis are everywhere. There’s an R8, an A3 plus some S-series saloons and an SUV just to name a few.
But according to Reddit poster AnontheMaus, it does seem kinda funny how cars so closely associated with such a steamy series always seem to be a little uniform looking in person. It’s just, well, they always do seem to be either silver or white, don’t they…?
Ford Mustang: “The cheapest way to die sideways.”
With a 412bhp 5.0-litre V8 engine all for the relatively meagre sum of just over £30,000, surely the new Ford Mustang is one of the greatest performance car bargains ever brought to British shores?
As user GryphonGuitar points out, however, all that power and the Mustang’s reputation for getting a little over-eager at the rear end, it’s possibly also the cheapest way to die sideways…
Dodge Neon SRT-4: “Press pedal button to lose traction.”
Speaking of too much power, the Dodge Neon SRT-4 was a veritable recipe disaster given its front-wheel drive powertrain, light weight and given the fact that it produced up to 230 horsepower at the wheels.
So how did the SRT-4 maintain traction? Well, as Redditor DaBombDiggidy points out, it often didn’t…
Toyota Prius: “Not a car but an appliance.”
Few cars have split opinion quite as much as the Toyota Prius, with proponents telling you that it’s not just fuel efficient, but incredibly iconic in its own right.
Those who are less fond, like user meltedsurfwax, will say that while an excellent hybrid it may be, it’s also a remarkably bland car. Think fridge on wheels that can’t keep your beers cool.
Subaru WRX STi: “We get it bro, you vape.”
We see you; Reddit user callm3fusion sees you; everyone sees you. Yeah you, with the flat-peaked baseball cap and the bucket-sized can of Monster energy drink.
It’s an absolutely thrilling car and a proper modern legend thanks to its rallying success, but it’s hard to deny that a large proportion of WRX owners seem to have stumbled straight out of the frat house.
Mazda MX-5: “The answer. What was the question?”
Since it debuted back in 1989, the Mazda MX-5 Miata has gone on to become the best-selling two-seater roadster of all time, as well as one of the best-loved drivers’ cars ever.
Everybody from your nan to serious petrolheads in the know love it and for good reason too. Like Redditor EntroperZero points out, no matter what the question is, the answer is always MX-5.
